Turning 30

I’m outing my age here. I’m 29, turning 30 at the end of next month. I’m actually having a difficult time with this for some reason. I’m sure any friend reading this who is older than me wants to smack me about now, but hear me out. Thirty seems to be a bit of a turning point. You have excuses for yourself in your twenties. In your early 20’s, you’re likely in college. College isn’t real life. Not even close. You’re idealistic, stupid, and experimenting with who you are and dreaming about who you want to become. Time is a nebulous concept. I felt as if I had all of the time in the world! By 30, I was going to be doing this and accomplished that and I had everything all planned out. Then I hit my mid-20’s. I still had excuses. I was in the working world and I still got the “Oh, she’s just in her mid-2o’s” pass. People patiently mentored me, or sometimes not so patiently. But I was young, eager, willing to learn and had all of the enthusiasm that comes with the “I can conquer the world still” attitude. Then…life happened. Choices, things swept under the rug, decisions I had thought would eventually work out, caught up with me. But I was still only in my mid-20’s. I had time, or so I thought. My late 20’s are a bit of a blur. Remarriage, children, moving, job losses, and a myriad of other life junk has made time seem like this rushing rollercoaster. Now I’m at the door of 30 and I have no idea how time moved so quickly. I’ve learned that sometimes life has to be taken on a day-by-day and even hour-by-hour basis. I’ve learned that NOTHING goes according to plan and the best you can do is plan for things to not go your way.

I can safely say that my life doesn’t at ALL resemble anything that I pictured at 20. In some cases, this is a good thing. But I will miss my “I’m just in my 20’s” excuse. People would just nod their head knowingly recalling their own 20-something idiocy. At 30, though, you don’t have that. You’re THIRTY! You should “know better” by then.

I still have a month and a half to get to a place of acceptance. I’m working on it. I look at my husband and beautiful children and remind myself that I didn’t have them in my plans and how incredibly grateful I am that they are there. Gratitude overwhelms me.

But I still feel the need to say my goodbye. A goodbye to naivete. A goodbye to ideals. And a big sendoff to the concept that I have all of the time in the world. I don’t.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Carolyn
    Oct 14, 2010 @ 20:34:30

    Kate,
    I am about to turn 31. I was fine with being 30 – but now, for some reason, 31 just seems old.

    Reply

  2. Chaz Creech
    Oct 15, 2010 @ 04:17:45

    during my recent college experience i met a 57 year old woman who was returning to school…. still chasing the dream… and she let me in on a little secret. Age is nothing…. it is just a number slapped onto a person by society… it is not an expiration date…. its not anything worth paying attention to…. keep growing… keep learning…. keep dreaming. Life is about enjoying the process…. evolving….. learning…. not chasing things that we want…. but accepting the fact that we truly do have everything that we “need”. She also brought up something that i found beautiful…. We start out as infants in this world…. frail…not knowing what to expect…. depending on others….. and in the end… we return to that infantile state….. so in a way…. the end is just returning to the beginning of an amazing journey.

    Reply

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